Monday, April 22, 2013
wide open
i don't know why i have the urge to go out to accompany I n A.then yet i can feel that; something might happened.n then tadaaa...that something passed me and i saw it in front of my eyes with that thing they exchanged since last week which i thought had turned back to normal. with the act i know its that figure.oh Allah why did u let me see n experience it.now it leave me with heavy heart.i don't have the strength to let the stream flow anymore n i don't know why i should be upset to begin with. you are a very bad decision maker,you keep making mistakes over n over again.did you know i never stop praying for you to come back to the eyes i once saw back then when you were so sincere.or was i wrong you were never actually.ya Rabb,can only tell A,S n F to lessen the burden n of course the Almighty One. S said don't think cz she did that for her case and she felt ease and tranquil. I was until..that moment.
Friday, April 19, 2013
dark and blind
my good friend told me something that I didnt think of that kind of analogy,it sort of shock me how she could 'view' me like that.i was overwhelmed to be honest. it started when i was sort of emo that day cuz of what i saw the incidence this week,how stewwpeed of you how could you come out with that idea.such an JA.. oh how heavy my heart was. only YOU knows Ya Rabb. while waiting for Isya' prayer at the mosque i couldn't stop the streams while she was reciting the Qur'an, after finishing it she asked me whether i am ok or not. so i told her what was it in my mind from A to Z. and then you could guess how uncontrollable the stream went. sad
then on the way back we're a bit on that conversion of that matter she said " you're like a medicine, for 'it' to get better, but 'it' didnt want to take it.i wonder why 'it' could make such a decision.." something like that..and i replied " who likes to take medicine,only people who knows its for their better-man and could appreciate it would take it in or else they rather suffer.." see i don't know why,what or how you become so stewwpeed.and with what i heard recently also,it's the same thing that tettt said.i wonder why you would choose such a thing over what your heart once content.i never stop praying for your goodness.may Allah help us all.Ya Rahman Ya Raheem.amennn...
then on the way back we're a bit on that conversion of that matter she said " you're like a medicine, for 'it' to get better, but 'it' didnt want to take it.i wonder why 'it' could make such a decision.." something like that..and i replied " who likes to take medicine,only people who knows its for their better-man and could appreciate it would take it in or else they rather suffer.." see i don't know why,what or how you become so stewwpeed.and with what i heard recently also,it's the same thing that tettt said.i wonder why you would choose such a thing over what your heart once content.i never stop praying for your goodness.may Allah help us all.Ya Rahman Ya Raheem.amennn...
Thursday, March 28, 2013
that moment
Wow.It's been a while.reading the post down there...it's been 2 years since that night.The night that had changed my life forever and it's still fresh in my mind. And u.ughh u; who I resent so much.yet still care.oh Allah !
Reading that line.."...so i could retreat peacefully." from the previous post.Oh how I already said it to myself yet HE already planned for you. Ya Rabb, please forgive me and grant YOUR blessing on us and those surrounding me who is having this heart disease; guide us Ya Rabb.Only YOU know us, YOUR lowly slave.
it's almost 2 years since the confession; 1+ year of promises & 8 months after the tragedy.from dedication of 'Aishiteru' song to reply of "Cukup cukup sudah" song. Sad,very sad.
oh puffyness today ;PMS+fam.stuff+memories
Reading that line.."...so i could retreat peacefully." from the previous post.Oh how I already said it to myself yet HE already planned for you. Ya Rabb, please forgive me and grant YOUR blessing on us and those surrounding me who is having this heart disease; guide us Ya Rabb.Only YOU know us, YOUR lowly slave.
it's almost 2 years since the confession; 1+ year of promises & 8 months after the tragedy.from dedication of 'Aishiteru' song to reply of "Cukup cukup sudah" song. Sad,very sad.
oh puffyness today ;
Sunday, April 24, 2011
you dont know what you're doing!
now its saturday 11.42 pm. yesterday marked 1 week of the conversation or could we say 'write-sation' haha..2am + on friday 15/4/11 morning till morning-daylight .no until night i reached home that was.pheww
i wished that time never happened.why?! cuz it leaves me in moreconfused, heart-aching and unstable state. i dont know what has gotten over me or you. but i would really like to believe what you have written but the present and evidences are showing something else. its just the preliminary stage and i should not be exaggerating things yet. fine. talking to my sis n mama sure eased what is inside my tangling mind.
i still couldn't believe i have the courage to do what i asked the day earlier. it was sort of embarrassing n i thought u wouldn't replied anymore and thats the end of it since it took u almost 1 day to reply back [ later figured why it took so long, or maybe not.i assumed it was since u told me the whole night-day fun u had].fine. i've lost hope, the 2nd hope to be exact. but since you replied stating to deny what u've done on that piece of paper. im totally set out. i wonder what makes u suddenly came up with the reply since i've set up my mind with the ' ok ' text. and then there everything blurt out. seriously i have a lot more to say, i mean write cuz YOU are playing with people's feeling and heart. and it does matter especially when somebody else really3x i could say love you. so why must you complicate things more and started it at 1st. now it has become a war, an unseen war.
ahhh didnt sleep the whole night packing for the evacuation and danggg u started the whole thing.lucky dura was up too so it soothed me a little to answer you back.to give proper replies
i dont know what to expect now. cuz somebody will get hurt at the end. so better be cautious and dont be too indulge in this thing so i could retreat peacefully.
thanks for drawing akilah, it was cute and sweet
waiting to see what u gonna write after a week and who are you going to greet 1st.ahh man they just being denial and ignorant.sigh~
i wished that time never happened.why?! cuz it leaves me in more
i still couldn't believe i have the courage to do what i asked the day earlier. it was sort of embarrassing n i thought u wouldn't replied anymore and thats the end of it since it took u almost 1 day to reply back [ later figured why it took so long, or maybe not.i assumed it was since u told me the whole night-day fun u had].fine. i've lost hope, the 2nd hope to be exact. but since you replied stating to deny what u've done on that piece of paper. im totally set out. i wonder what makes u suddenly came up with the reply since i've set up my mind with the ' ok ' text. and then there everything blurt out. seriously i have a lot more to say, i mean write cuz YOU are playing with people's feeling and heart. and it does matter especially when somebody else really3x i could say love you. so why must you complicate things more and started it at 1st. now it has become a war, an unseen war.
ahhh didnt sleep the whole night packing for the evacuation and danggg u started the whole thing.lucky dura was up too so it soothed me a little to answer you back.to give proper replies
i dont know what to expect now. cuz somebody will get hurt at the end. so better be cautious and dont be too indulge in this thing so i could retreat peacefully.
thanks for drawing akilah, it was cute and sweet
waiting to see what u gonna write after a week and who are you going to greet 1st.ahh man they just being denial and ignorant.sigh~
Saturday, April 9, 2011
small hole
wow almost a year ey?!
lotsa things happened ; fam.conflict,studies,friendship,err..love life?k-h eww haha! && even the world!
quite fun last nite.ema finishes her exam n we still hv 1 more to go in 5days.after that 5 months holiday!
end year end sem -roomies day out n hangover with me besties~ <3
but 1 thing that aches my heart..that 1 thing which had started since last year i supposed.
dear my little-young friend,
i don't enjoy our conversation/ jokes anymore.i would missed the time when i laugh my whole heart out with your jokes when nobody understand it && i would longed for the time u would listen to my stories and nonsense..sad
period.
lotsa things happened ; fam.conflict,studies,friendship,err..love life?k-h eww haha! && even the world!
quite fun last nite.ema finishes her exam n we still hv 1 more to go in 5days.after that 5 months holiday!
end year end sem -roomies day out n hangover with me besties~ <3
but 1 thing that aches my heart..that 1 thing which had started since last year i supposed.
dear my little-young friend,
i don't enjoy our conversation/ jokes anymore.i would missed the time when i laugh my whole heart out with your jokes when nobody understand it && i would longed for the time u would listen to my stories and nonsense..sad
period.
Monday, April 12, 2010
At Last!
it's been a while isnt it?can't get the time or feel to write~
mmmmmmmmmm so many things to say but aaa not in d mood
well at last we've finished i mean I have finished my 1st year journey..Alhamdulillah..n now just waiting for the results.omg the papers were umm errr aaah.. dont know how to describe it,cuz actually its easy ..somehow manageable IF u really study well..hhaha thats always the case right?
oh well u've done it again as usual n never appreciated the opportunity! Y__________Y
praying,hoping n WILL change for next semester/year InsyaALLAH :)
what else for the past few months [almost 6 months ey]..mm new sem [2nd sem] yadayadayada...what i can recalled plus can tell here mm went to celebrate anis's + hanan's b'day @Santai,we're lucky cuz Dura suggested it cuz initially it was decided to be @ another place..then lotsa laugh n stuffs..oh i went out with Eyka earlier to buy them a cake which then Anis bought herself too at secret recipe..we just buy the simple common one..So we celebrated with Hanan too cuz a week+ earlier was hers and teh couldnt join..
girls frens r 4ever <3
What else?mmmmmm Oh i dont know how i was selected to be the secretary for Faci team 'seminar kerjaya 2010'
I was sleeping then suddently got a msg from shukri saying i was chosen and am i willing to take the post? i was hesitating cuz whatt?!secretary??? i've never been 1.. plus,all the letters stuffs i'm not good at.so yea..after all the hardship..went to OSC ,OCD.. what else?calling the schools..meetings x100 [exaggerating here ;p] some problems which we almost postponed it and many more which i would say...human's error and we are not perfect ..
so yea whats done is done..oh mass halaqah on the same day..which was so terrible before that cuz of our 1st batch gathering to play bowling..oh i should hv mention it earlier and the sciences sport's day too! [see u have so many things to blurt out at the same time haha]almost got asthma attack cuz of too much laughing,coughing,screaming and talking! [i was unwell right?!] n it was HOT!
oh and batch gathering for exam..last 1 for this sem.quite interesting cuz they announced new line of 'management'where teh won for asstn.batch leader where we as good fren didnt even vote for her [as requested] lol..fun games n as usual f00d n picturess~
anyway good things about all of this events..i got to know more people,make new friends,observed and knowing different various huge variety of human's attitude ,feelings and acts..did i mention i was sick?after quite a long time..mmm quite terrible,but i manage to survive without going to the clinic and taking antibiotics..yeay!
Alhamdulillah almost 1 week++ with the severe headache when it comes to afternoon and runny nose..sore throat..oh my all i did was sleeppp..n of course some medication and good food~~
btw i'm driving to class too haha
what an experienced driving at karak highway with ayah n b.mie..before that i was practicing with b.jat..well only 1 night at putrajaya where ateh follow us at the back..haha
then 1 more time @sg.buloh with the yellow car hahha
oh back at uni they called it 'spotlight' [thanks to mira and anis] cuz i supposed due to its colour plus d incidence where all were looking when they knew i was driving it..so weird haha
mmmm Eyka's fren which he used to called me 'anak makcik cafe' cuz we bluffed him ever since he heard my voice on the phone through Eyka's..so yea watever lol
what else...hillarious memories..back @our room [1.1 M2]..our bond as roomate seemed to become stronger and 'sweeter' cuz we are more closer now cuz of Ema's 'cucu,caca,cici' [her adopted cats] where me and Dura are the stepmom..cuz of unwell treat and we were not that affectionated towards them and many other things ahha..eating togeter in the room..'keropok lekor' each rm2 every thursday n friday pasar malam?! hha
Tkay'scrushes [almost c8 now ;pp]..Teh's marriage dilemma..[we <3 u babe] lol..and lotsa events which i shall keep it to myself...
besides the family matter..
oh n my 1st..well can say 2nd caraccident too...[i'm so lucky to have a father like ayah :D] nahh forget it..mmm got other guys stories but umm not that important..well its a girl thing haha
ahh many more to write but cant remember/somewhere under the folding of my brain/feel like writing it ;p
Ah!new niece and nephew..arissa..kakcik's 2nd daughter,how adorable..missing her so much![pinching her actually ;p] and ateh's baby boy..imran ariff..2months now and chubby [like 4 months?]
n now im at home atm for the sem.break where others are having 3 months holiday! n mine's just 2 weeks..yes i took short sem.to finished up Malay,Arabic n UNGS so that we wont be 'serabut' after this..
well a little sacrifices for a little ease in the future..InsyaAllah
mmmmmmmmmm so many things to say but aaa not in d mood
well at last we've finished i mean I have finished my 1st year journey..Alhamdulillah..n now just waiting for the results.omg the papers were umm errr aaah.. dont know how to describe it,cuz actually its easy ..somehow manageable IF u really study well..hhaha thats always the case right?
oh well u've done it again as usual n never appreciated the opportunity! Y__________Y
praying,hoping n WILL change for next semester/year InsyaALLAH :)
what else for the past few months [almost 6 months ey]..mm new sem [2nd sem] yadayadayada...what i can recalled plus can tell here mm went to celebrate anis's + hanan's b'day @Santai,we're lucky cuz Dura suggested it cuz initially it was decided to be @ another place..then lotsa laugh n stuffs..oh i went out with Eyka earlier to buy them a cake which then Anis bought herself too at secret recipe..we just buy the simple common one..So we celebrated with Hanan too cuz a week+ earlier was hers and teh couldnt join..
girls frens r 4ever <3
What else?mmmmmm Oh i dont know how i was selected to be the secretary for Faci team 'seminar kerjaya 2010'
I was sleeping then suddently got a msg from shukri saying i was chosen and am i willing to take the post? i was hesitating cuz whatt?!secretary??? i've never been 1.. plus,all the letters stuffs i'm not good at.so yea..after all the hardship..went to OSC ,OCD.. what else?calling the schools..meetings x100 [exaggerating here ;p] some problems which we almost postponed it and many more which i would say...human's error and we are not perfect ..
so yea whats done is done..oh mass halaqah on the same day..which was so terrible before that cuz of our 1st batch gathering to play bowling..oh i should hv mention it earlier and the sciences sport's day too! [see u have so many things to blurt out at the same time haha]almost got asthma attack cuz of too much laughing,coughing,screaming and talking! [i was unwell right?!] n it was HOT!
oh and batch gathering for exam..last 1 for this sem.quite interesting cuz they announced new line of 'management'where teh won for asstn.batch leader where we as good fren didnt even vote for her [as requested] lol..fun games n as usual f00d n picturess~
anyway good things about all of this events..i got to know more people,make new friends,observed and knowing different various huge variety of human's attitude ,feelings and acts..did i mention i was sick?after quite a long time..mmm quite terrible,but i manage to survive without going to the clinic and taking antibiotics..yeay!
Alhamdulillah almost 1 week++ with the severe headache when it comes to afternoon and runny nose..sore throat..oh my all i did was sleeppp..n of course some medication and good food~~
btw i'm driving to class too haha
what an experienced driving at karak highway with ayah n b.mie..before that i was practicing with b.jat..well only 1 night at putrajaya where ateh follow us at the back..haha
then 1 more time @sg.buloh with the yellow car hahha
oh back at uni they called it 'spotlight' [thanks to mira and anis] cuz i supposed due to its colour plus d incidence where all were looking when they knew i was driving it..so weird haha
mmmm Eyka's fren which he used to called me 'anak makcik cafe' cuz we bluffed him ever since he heard my voice on the phone through Eyka's..so yea watever lol
what else...hillarious memories..back @our room [1.1 M2]..our bond as roomate seemed to become stronger and 'sweeter' cuz we are more closer now cuz of Ema's 'cucu,caca,cici' [her adopted cats] where me and Dura are the stepmom..cuz of unwell treat and we were not that affectionated towards them and many other things ahha..eating togeter in the room..'keropok lekor' each rm2 every thursday n friday pasar malam?! hha
Tkay's
besides the family matter..
oh n my 1st..well can say 2nd car
ahh many more to write but cant remember/somewhere under the folding of my brain/feel like writing it ;p
Ah!new niece and nephew..arissa..kakcik's 2nd daughter,how adorable..missing her so much![pinching her actually ;p] and ateh's baby boy..imran ariff..2months now and chubby [like 4 months?]
n now im at home atm for the sem.break where others are having 3 months holiday! n mine's just 2 weeks..yes i took short sem.to finished up Malay,Arabic n UNGS so that we wont be 'serabut' after this..
well a little sacrifices for a little ease in the future..InsyaAllah
Saturday, October 24, 2009
b strong n confidence
wwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
yeps feels like screaming like that..anybody knows any place where i could do that?
nahh
time passed so fast!!!!!!!its already end of october?!
lotsa things happened..................n now only have 1 week before final exam for my 1st sem here
pheeww
how will it be?what will it be?
Ya Allah please ease every endeavor to achive my dream,if it's the best for me.aminnnn~
joined faciteam..haha..had some fun during I-quest,cooking comp.[we are d brownies] but missed the pet,horsie riding n those sort of extreme games..huhu..well it was bloody hot
and it rains at night..plus not feeling very well on the last day of it.oh well still have next year perhaps
oh and raya @KoS
srabut but ok la..haha
oh my and the epi presentation,biochem model structure [coming soon] and many more...i wonder why they like to give it all during last days before examz
nway must studyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Ya Allah.......please give me the strenght and will to continue with these things i am facing with
p/s:the email ayah posted to us ;strong n confidence ,was quite touching
yeps feels like screaming like that..anybody knows any place where i could do that?
nahh
time passed so fast!!!!!!!its already end of october?!
lotsa things happened..................n now only have 1 week before final exam for my 1st sem here
pheeww
how will it be?what will it be?
Ya Allah please ease every endeavor to achive my dream,if it's the best for me.aminnnn~
joined faciteam..haha..had some fun during I-quest,cooking comp.[we are d brownies] but missed the pet,horsie riding n those sort of extreme games..huhu..well it was bloody hot
and it rains at night..plus not feeling very well on the last day of it.oh well still have next year perhaps
oh and raya @KoS
srabut but ok la..haha
oh my and the epi presentation,biochem model structure [coming soon] and many more...i wonder why they like to give it all during last days before examz
nway must studyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Ya Allah.......please give me the strenght and will to continue with these things i am facing with
p/s:the email ayah posted to us ;strong n confidence ,was quite touching
