wide open

i don't know why i have the urge to go out to accompany I n A.then yet i can feel that; something might happened.n then tadaaa...that something passed me and i saw it in front of my eyes with that thing they exchanged since last week which i thought had turned back to normal. with the act i know its that figure.oh Allah why did u let me see n experience it.now it leave me with heavy heart.i don't have the strength to let the stream flow anymore n i don't know why i should be upset to begin with. you are a very bad decision maker,you keep making mistakes over n over again.did you know i never stop praying for you to come back to  the eyes i once saw back then when you were so sincere.or was i wrong you were never actually.ya Rabb,can only tell A,S n F to lessen the burden n of course the Almighty One. S said don't think cz she did that for her case and she felt ease and tranquil. I was until..that moment.

dark and blind

my good friend told me something that I didnt think of that kind of analogy,it sort of shock me how she could 'view' me like that.i was overwhelmed to be honest. it started when i was sort of emo that day cuz of what i saw the incidence this week,how stewwpeed of you how could you come out with that idea.such an JA.. oh how heavy my heart was. only YOU knows Ya Rabb. while waiting for Isya' prayer at the mosque i couldn't stop the streams while she was reciting the Qur'an, after finishing it she asked me whether i am ok or not. so i told her what was it in my mind from A to Z. and then you could guess how uncontrollable the stream went. sad 
then on the way back we're a bit on that conversion of that matter she said " you're like a medicine, for 'it' to get better, but 'it' didnt want to take it.i wonder why 'it' could make such a decision.." something like that..and i replied " who likes to take medicine,only people who knows its for their better-man and could appreciate it would take it in or else they rather suffer.." see i don't know why,what or how you become so stewwpeed.and with what i heard recently also,it's the same thing that tettt said.i wonder why you would choose such a thing over what your heart once content.i never stop praying for your goodness.may Allah help us all.Ya Rahman Ya Raheem.amennn...